I wanted to change the world.
I wanted their to be some sort of imprint,
Some slight vacuum left,
When I inevitably leave.
I searched for a void to fill,
A void that would fill me,
But voids do not fill,
And they cannot be filled.
By nature, my search was impossible.
Being unable to find a physical place
To leave a physical imprint,
I decided to create a virtual one.
I created a blog,
But this blog was not quite what I wanted.
I wanted to be remembered.
I wanted to be noticed.
Now I realize that I need neither of these things,
So my blog has petered out.
I want to keep it alive,
I want to keep it secret,
Keep it safe,
But I wanted to make an imprint.
So I found a website that counts the number of times you click
A virtual doorstopper.
I became 6,757 of those numbers,
Clicking over and over,
My days being filled with this desperate need to
Need for proof.
Far from now,
Someone can point to that total and have proof of me.
I know no one will ever really care,
But in some way I am there.
I guess I am here too,
More here than there,
But sometimes it is nice to be both,
Maybe someone will notice.
Maybe it’s better if no one ever does.
Either way, I’m here to write, so write I will. It’s in God’s hands now.